Why You Might Not Get an Answer to Your Query

If you haven't seen my post about what you can reasonably expect when submitting to a literary agent, read that first. In it, I mentioned that although I answer all my queries, "all" doesn't include the 20% that I delete without responding.

Why do I delete them? Because they come from the rude, the clueless, the illiterate, and the scary.

For example, if I can see that you have CC'd 117 other agents, I'm going to delete you. I know you're querying other people, but be polite about it, and maintain the fiction, please. Similarly, if you open you query, "Hey, Mike!" or some other non-professional salutation, you're deleted. ("Dear Michael" is what I prefer, but "Mr. Carr" is okay.)

If your query is full of nonsense about how you're the next Stephen King, and that surely I wouldn't be so stupid as to reject you, that earns you a delete. Rudeness and jerk behavior of any kind gets your query send to the digital graveyard with no obituary written or sent.

If you haven't actually written a book, but have what you think is a brilliant idea and want me to find you an actual writer, that also earns you a delete without explanation. If you query me about your 1,500 pages of epic poetry, your 900 page fantasy that is the first of 10 books, all of which are written, or your book explaining why the Nazis were misunderstood, I'm not going to respond.

If it's clear from reading your query that you struggle with the English language, have no basic storytelling ability, or that your mother is querying because you're in third grade, I really don't owe an explanation. The query is deleted.

This is not to say that all agents are making these quick assessments, of course. Some are much stricter than I am, and delete poorly targeted queries, as well. Or maybe they just need to clear out 377 queries in a hurry and mass purge them. But if you're hearing back from very few agents, even with form rejections, there might be something off about your method of delivery.

I used to include little notes at the bottom of what were otherwise form rejections, such as:

"Please follow standard query practices."

"Your query comes across as boasting, which is off-putting."

"You need to have a complete manuscript before submitting."

"35,000 words is not a full-length novel."

The problem is that these were seen as invitations to argue. The type of person who brags that he's going to sell a zillion copies and that only idiots would reject him is incapable of self-reflection. Instead, he argues back. People would also argue why their 35,000 word novella should be submitted to editors anyway, or why they have purposefully broken industry conventions so as to "stand out from the crowd," which totally misses the point of why queries follow a standard format in the first place.

I used to be more tolerant of email that was asking how to submit or by those who seemed pleasant enough, but didn't understand standard query practices. Not any longer. I'm not going to google for you. In fact, I don't want you to succeed, even if you're a great writer, until you've overcome your laziness in learning about the industry and about my job. There are too many writers, working too hard, who deserve help more than you do.

I keep saying "you," but if you're reading this, you're almost surely excluded from the list of querying miscreants. And that should be encouraging. From the moment you learn how to send a proper query, you've already eliminated 20% of the competition.

It's a long way to the top, if you want to rock 'n roll, but the first rung of the ladder is really, really easy to scale.